I'm the grown up. When I'm with 100 teenage girls, I am the old lady who should have it together enough to decide whether we are going to hug. It just isn't right to be sitting there waiting for a 12-year-old girl not only to validate me but also to set the tone and intimacy level of our relationship. Also, I no longer care if the person I hug doesn't want a hug for two reasons: (1) It takes up time in case you have nothing to say to them so the small talk goes better. (2) Even if we aren't close enough friends to be hugging, there's (usually) no harm done.
In some ways my hugs mean less now that I give them out so liberally. Refraining from promiscuous hugging used to be one of my reasons for hugging so selectively—that way you could be sure the hug really meant something. On the other hand, perhaps people find it a pleasant surprise (even if they are at the same time slightly repulsed) that I like them enough to hug them. It all evens out. I guess I've decided to trade being thought of as a weird over-hugger for the possibility of making people feel like I really like them. They may be squirming to get away, but there is no question that I think of myself as their buddy. They might even be thinking, "Wow. I'm surprised she thinks we're such buddies," but it doesn't bother me anymore.
In short, at this point in my life it feels really lame to be insecure about hugging. By initiating hugs with everyone I feel like I am the captain of my own ship and like I set the terms for all my relationships. I don't know where you fall on the hugging spectrum, but I hope that when I see you you surrender completely to my embrace.
Photo.
I always want a hug. All the time.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to oblige.
DeleteI'm so glad you're blogging again! I hate the awkward pre-hug moments. Will they? Won't they? I once weirdly side-hugged my bishop at a movie theater in front of my husband and his wife because he spread his arm out in what seemed a side-hug invitation-greeting ... but two-seconds too late I realized it was just a very wide handshake initiation. Awful. For other women, though, I can see how making myself a hugger could prevent a lot of awkwardness.
ReplyDeleteThat's funny to picture and it brings me joy. See? Keep doing things like that.
DeleteI just hate touching people, period. I hate shaking hands even more than hugging: so intimate! Think of all the things those hands have been doing (not in a germy way, just in a "all the things that are most private are done with hands" way).
ReplyDeleteOnce I got made RS President I had to learn to hug people. I never realized how validated and supported people feel when they're hugged. Plus it makes them think you care about them more than you might really do.
Let's not get into eye contact. I hate that most of all!
I love your input. I feel you (ew).
DeleteI love hugging. I know you know that. And, good news: it's proven to de-stress! It's healthy!
ReplyDeleteI loved this post. I have Scandinavian heritage so hugging didn't come easily to me. Then I served my mission in Peru. After all that cheek kissing a hug is no sweat! Glad I saw your blog in my Facebook memories and came back. You always make me smile.
ReplyDelete