Last night's reunion sure was. . . something, wasn't it? It started with Chris Harrison revealing a startling statistic: There are 500 old Bachelor cast members. Yikes. That could be a charter school. They are all vying for a role on Bachelor Pad which is, presumably, some kind of reality show for Bachelor alumni who have not yet succumbed to venereal disease. Sounds good.
After the Bachelor Pad plug we had to wait to see Michelle talk while all these other freaks who no one remembers acted out their strange aggression toward each other. Then Jackie called Michelle a spider (not very apt, actually, but whatever) and Michelle started to cry. During Michelle's crazy reign on the show a lot of her defenders reminded us that she is a paid actress--and I believe them. She rounded out her Bachelor Pad try-out last night by doing "vulnerable," "hurt," "crying," and "single mom." To sum up, I think most of the women liked Michelle during their stay in the house but were shocked when they watched her on the show. This discrepancy in her behavior really threw some of them. Needless to say, people who go on The Bachelor have a very fragile grasp on reality.
Michelle successfully railroaded the show for several awkward moments while she tried to compose herself. It was weird. Really weird. Chris Harrison felt so bad for her that he protectively moved closer to her and said to the women hurling insults, "Really?" That's how people express their indignation these days. I don't love it, linguistically. It's sort of like how "my bad" has supplanted real apologies but I can live with it. I like Chris Harrison. I hope he and Brad can find a way to spend more time together now that the show is over. He seems to be the only person Brad has had a genuine conversation with. As for Michelle? Somehow I think she'll manage to pull it together. I liked her parting shot: "After watching the show I realized what Brad and I had wasn't that unique." In other words, he made out with everyone.
I found the Ashleys the most disturbing--especially Ashely the first. She is so adorable when she cries I don't know how any man can resist her. That said, she is so pathetic when she cries I don't know how any man can stand her. Sweetheart, this is a fake show. Don't pin your self-esteem on it. Can't she just find some dummy her own age? I hated it when she actually wanted to ask Brad for advice about what would make her more marriable. Does The Bachelor actually have the power to transport its contestants back in time 60 years? Ugh. I found his apology [dismissal] to [of] her gentlemanly and I hope it helped restore her self-worth but I am also very sad about the state of affairs in the psyche of Ashely S.
I've always admired the other Ashley's spunk, which is why I found it disconcerting that she wanted to apologize to Brad. "I'm sorry I led you on and made out with you and decided not to marry you because you are too ambitious so I kicked you to the curb after blaming you for not being vulnerable enough and made you question yourself and caused you to have haunting regrets even though I still would have dropped you even if you had told me you loved me and made a fool of yourself because that's what I plan to do to Chantal." Wait, scratch that. Her apology went like this "I'm sorry I wasted our special time together." Wasted it how? By making out with him, sitting on his lap, and asserting her plan to finish dental school. Yeah, that does sound like a big waste of time for the bachelor. I hope he forgives her!
Nevertheless, I have to say I'm kind of excited about the prospect of Brad choosing Emily. You know she's always been my favorite. Next week we will finally know which spoilers are right. No matter what happens, I'm sure Chantal will behave with the utmost poise and dignity. Sarcasm! (I learned about "sarcasm" from Michelle--it's an excuse for rude or hurtful comments and bad behavior, also known as "dry humor" and "missing your daughter.")
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
""Really?" That's how people express their indignation these days. I don't love it, linguistically. It's sort of like how "my bad" has supplanted real apologies."
ReplyDeleteThis is such a beautiful thing you have said here. It captures my exat feelings on the subject. Thank you.
I said my "exat" feelings, but I might just as well have said "ratopse." Or "squaint." Which are such nice word verifications that I feel you must have arranged them personally.
ReplyDeleteI usually skip past the Women Tell All show because, really, was there anything left unsaid to begin with? But last night was quite a show. I was amazed that there were several women who not only made a spectacle of themselves on this season of The Bachelor, but they also felt the need to leave us with a final impression of being total witches. Really, Stacey, that's how you'd raise your fictional daughter? Try having a few kids. Soon you'll be feeding them doritos in front of the TV and calling it lunch like the rest of us. What's best for the kid is really pretty subjective.
ReplyDeleteI was also mad at Ashley H. Besides showing up with some sort of "Hey! Look what you're missing out on!" makeover, with the whitest teeth I've ever seen, even on TV (I guess thems the perks of dental school), she was penitent for being the only woman on there who wasn't willing to give up her livelihood for a kinda dumb, albeit physically fit guy! BOO, ASHLEY H. . . .BOO!!
And I thought Michelle put on a good show. I think she'd also put on a good show as the next Bachelorette, and I'd love it if it wasn't Ashley H., as is rumored, but Michelle. I felt like maybe they were doing a little damage control with Michelle, making her out to be nice and a little sarcastic and deeply misunderstood. So I hold out hope.
Seriously with the teeth! I was mesmerized!
ReplyDeleteI found it kind of funny that people were crucifying Michelle on bad parenting when Emily, our bastion of all things perfect, was making the exact same "horrible parenting choices". I was dying for someone to point it out. Oh well.
word has it in UT that Michelle's marriage broke up because she enjoyed others during her marriage, included a star JAZZ player. Plus ,she is a paid actress!
ReplyDeleteI don't say, "Really?", but I say, "Seriously?", which is linguistically more interesting, but reality dictates that it is the same thing. What am I even talking about? Oh yeah - I don't watch The Bachelor.
ReplyDeleteYou are the total entertainment! I'm cancelling my cable. Your blog is plenty.
ReplyDeleteI really, really hope that from now on your husband has a friend who has an ex-wife that is on The Bachelor so that you will continue watching.
ReplyDeleteYour recaps are the best.
"Needless to say, people who go on The Bachelor have a very fragile grasp on reality." I don't watch the Bachelor, because frankly, it makes me sad to see grown women "fulfilling their dreams" in the shallow end of the venereal disease filled pool. I do however, faithfully follow your recaps because they make me happy. It's important to keep it real. Reality t.v. is a misnomer and a farce. SO, thanks for keeping it "real" in a humorous way. Your public service should win you some sort of civic duty award.....or something. :)
ReplyDeletePlease write a book. I'll buy it and I'll read it.
ReplyDelete"...Have not yet succumbed to venereal disease..." HaHaHa! I'm busting a gut over here. Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI have TOTALLY been using the word "sarcasm" wrong! Oh, the possibilities!
ReplyDeleteWhen Ashley said she needed to apologize, I was so so uncomfortable. I was so confused, then mad, then sad. These girls never get mad or sad at the right things. Just confused.
oh my gosh. I'm going to be so sad when the bachelor season is over because you won't be writing these wonderful summaries. Please find another ridiculous reality show so I can laugh about it. Your cleverness is so enjoyable.
ReplyDelete