Camilla Kimball says that we should never suppress a generous thought and I think this is wonderful advice which I have been trying to follow lately. But I can't. I had the "generous" thought during church to go and hold this lady's baby in my ward during the sacrament because she was holding two babies. I thought, "I should never suppress a generous thought. This is generous. I will do it." So I went over and took the baby from the lady who actually wasn't really struggling at all even with two babies on her lap. But still--"This will be nice," I thought. About half way through the sacrament (which lasts about 20 minutes total) my daughter fell off her chair and started screaming. So Maggie took her out. I stayed holding the baby. "Surely I can make it for 10 more minutes," I thought. Yeah. That's what you'd think. Ellen has this new adorable habit of screaming bloody murder. She doesn't have a pacifier anymore so this is how she self-soothes. She cry/screams and cry/screams, gaining momentum and volume until she falls asleep (sobbing and sighing in her sleep) or wets her pants. It can last for an hour or more (we found this out at Legoland) and we haven't discovered how to stop it.
Many people saw Maggie taking Ellen out and felt sorry for them. Ellen's grandpa went out and offered to go home and get her a sucker. Another man went out and offered help. And a lady with a bag of giant marshmallows bought a momentary reprieve from the screams. But you see, Ellen has been building up to this tantrum for over a week of too much sun, too little sleep, and a couple of 12 hour drives. She's been honing this technique several times a day in crowded theme parks, hotel rooms, and convenience store bathrooms. It's loud. And the real miracle of our vacation is not that we actually had a pretty good time in spite of Ellen's "episodes," but that we were never questioned by Child Protective Services of San Diego. Like, seriously. I'm grateful that we weren't. Because it seemed like some serious abuse was going on. And there were times when I wanted to seriously abuse her. Bless her heart!
So--what was I saying? Oh yes. I'm so nice! I held someone's baby at church while my own child required at least three people to miss the sacrament entirely. I like to help wherever I go! Kind of like when I went over to help organize NieNie's new house and I got stuck in the snow and Mr. Nielsen had to get me out of a snowbank. WHATEVER! I think it's funny that I would ever think I've got it together enough to help someone else. Kind of like how I'm so nice and I foster dogs even though my own dog won't come when I call her. You see what I'm saying? If it weren't embarrassing it would only be funny.
You name-dropped! We are so alike. :) Ha ha.
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ReplyDeleteEllen is not embarrassing. You'd have a model family even if all four kids were screaming blood murder. If you and Ellen were at the Mall of America, and you were wearing an ill-fitting wig, and Ellen was screaming "This is not my mom!", no one would question you.
ReplyDeleteI found out that when I judge other bad moms my kids are even worse than normal, so you can look forward to any tsk-tskers in that church getting their comeuppance with a quickness.
ReplyDeleteIt's all good, what goes around comes around and around and around...
ReplyDeleteCute story! I think someone has her Grandpa wrapped around her little finger -- sucker!
ReplyDeleteOh, my dear, thank you, THANK YOU, for the most delightful moment of my day thus far. (And it hasn't even been bad!)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you didn't suppress the impulse to write this! :)
I believe that is the sad irony of so many of our lives. We want to help others but often it blows up in our faces because we are the ones who need help. I say keep working on it. Some day our kids won't be screamers!!
ReplyDeleteI create the most stress for myself when I don't suppress "generous thoughts." My problem isn't being asked to do too much - it's volunteering too much.
ReplyDeleteFunny it took me so long to figure that out - I could have saved years of grief!!
I super-love Camilla Kimball and I almost got that quote tattooed on my arm cuz I chose it as a mantra when I was like 13.
ReplyDeleteHilarious post.
This Sunday must have been the Sunday from hell! First, my husband and I haven't gone to church in like a month, so we figured we'd might as well get back in the habit. We walk into the chapel and Bishop announces that the AC is out. It's like a million degrees in there, we haven't even sung the opening hymn and I'm ready to bolt. Then, during testimonies, the fire alarm goes off. We have to evacuate but not before my ears start ringing and head starts pounding from the annoying trill of the alarm. We finally go back in and then my daughter decides to throw a tantrum. And I'm talking monumental. The kind where she works herself up so badly that she throws up. My husband, thankfully, was the one who took her out but then I got a text not 10 minutes later saying we had to go home because the beast was out of control. So, I packed up our stuff and bailed. No wonder we skipped out on church for a month. I'm already due for another vacation!
ReplyDeletewe had never experience the 'screaming episodes' until child #4. I sometimes stare at her in wonder..it's amazing really...all that can come out of someone so small!
ReplyDeleteSuper funny. Even though it was true.
ReplyDeleteDare I share what we did with our tantrum child? As long as no one tries to report me to pcs. (ok, I chickened out and went anon)
My husband would take the kid and put them fully clothed under the tub spout, with cold water.
Then we just had to say the next time, do you want cold water?
Sounds awful, but it worked. And doesn't actually hurt.
Anonymous, you would be popular at Guantanamo Bay.
ReplyDeleteBeing generous is so much work. It's hard enough as it is to just be selfish and keep your own kids in line.
ReplyDeleteI generously agreed to substitute teach my daughter's CTR4 class. Imagine my delight when only one other child showed up. That is, until I looked down the row and spotted 9 more 4 year olds whose teacher didn't show. With my 9 month old on my lap, I knew I was in trouble and requested assistance. A sister asked if I needed help with my baby. I accepted even though she wasn't fussing. I didn't see her again until church was over. I can mother my baby, it was the nine four year olds that stressed me out. Thankfully there wasn't any screaming.
ReplyDeleteI almost never act on these sorts of impulses anymore, because they always backfire on me. I can't tell you the number of times I have felt "impressed" to go be friendly to someone at church and immediately say something all wrong like:
ReplyDeleteYou're husband sure has been traveling a lot lately
--Yeah. We're getting a divorce.
So i've just learned I have the opposite of women's intuition. If I feel like I should go and talk to someone I take that as a sure sign to sit down and shut up.
That title alone made my day.
ReplyDeletei've been there so many times... trying to help others when i can't even handle my own. now every time i have one of those generous thoughts i think to myself "nah, they can learn from this trial and i would only be stealing that opportunity from them". then i feel generous all over again. lol
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wish people would suppress their "non-generous" thoughts! My son had a similar screaming incident while waiting outside his sisters' ballet class and a nearby woman came up to him and told him, "Stop screaming!" As if that would help. At. All. Of course he did not stop and she proceeded to tell her friend, "Oh, I would NEVER let my child (she only has one little girl) behave that way." I was fuming. I got my son out of her eyesight and he calmed down. Then when we came back, I admit, I gave her the "evil eye." I don't feel too bad, though, because she deserved it. I hate it when people judge instead of having a secret prayer in their hearts that everything will work out.
ReplyDeleteI feel it's not always easy to follow the true, generous impulses & promptings from the spirit - but the Lord will always support us as we do His work. Not that things will always be easy, but He will send us help as we serve others. He will take care of us as we take care of others. I think He's a pretty generous and merciful guy himself :) "3 Nephi 12:7 And blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy."
ReplyDelete-Amanda