Look how nice I am. I give babies onesies. I'm always getting bad press for being a hater but there you have it. I gave a baby a onesie.
Here is a list of kids' shows I do hate though:
Sid the Science Kid--This is THE worst show ever. The mom on it is so desperate and lame it hits a little too close to home and I can't bear to watch her sing/rap, "Mom is so awesome. But now it's time. To go to school. " Sid himself is the epitome of everything I hope my children are not. This show is not allowed.
Caillou--Guess what Caillou! You're retarded.
Clifford--Everyone on this show is a big self-centered jerk. There is proven evidence that shows like this teach kids to be big jerks. My librarian used to read us Clifford books every week in kindergarten. It was OK, if somewhat vapid. The cartoon fails for Emily Elizabeth's voice alone. Emily Elizabeth if you keep talking like that and refuse to go by just "Emily" no one will like you in high school--also a proven fact.
Dragon Tales--Hyperactive, supersensitive, obnoxious, selfish, and dumb--this describes Zack, Cassie, Weezie, Max, and Ord. What's good about this show? And that Quetzal! He makes me sick to look at him with his moles and sagging skin.
Mickey Mouse Clubhouse--It beckons with the unimaginative, "Come inside it's fun inside" and goes downhill from there.
And I don't like Curious George either. Why? Because I find him insufferable. Here's what I'd like the man with the yellow hat to say, "No, George. Stop it. Don't touch that. Get down." Why should I humor him? He's a monkey.
Those are the worst ones I can think of.
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How is Barney not on this list? All of those kids make me want to hide under the table. And Baby Bop's voice is like nails on a chalkbaord.
ReplyDeleteYes. I hate Barney. Is it still even on?
ReplyDeletePeople keep talking about Yo Gabba Gabba and saying how it's so awesome, but it makes me want to kill myself.
ReplyDeleteKacy
ReplyDeleteYou forgot to mention the shrill "LOVE IT" that Weezy on dragon tales blurts out is enough to make you want to slit your wrists...
Oh my! The line about the moles and sagging skin...I'm laughing and it's early, that doesn't happen too often.
ReplyDeleteSoon, you will enter the time where you have no idea what kids shows are on because you don't watch them. What in the world is Yo Gabba Gabba?
Look, Kacy, Clifford needed Emily. And the love made Clifford grow so big, the Howards had to leave their home. I'd think that you of all people would understand that kind of dog-love. If getting a dog meant that I just HAD to move to Whidbey Island, I might consider it. (Just kidding. Even that couldn't convince me.)
ReplyDeleteAnd what's wrong with MMC? Inside does rhyme with inside.
Dragon Tales is so much worse than any other show on your list. If anyone is retarded, it's Ord.
ReplyDeleteAs a rule we don't allow shows where characters talk in weird voices. Which means Caillou is OK.
Hilarity. Thanks for making me laff.
ReplyDeleteWho says you aren't nice to babies? You gave mine a Ryan Shupe cd when she was born (or was that me?) so I hardly think you are a hater.
ReplyDeleteI love this.
ReplyDeleteI don't allow shows where the parents are nicer to their children than I am to mine.
Agreed!!
ReplyDeleteJetta's voice is even worse than EE's.
ReplyDeleteWhy does Sid the Science Kid walk like he's been on a horse for 12 hours? And why isn't Curious George back in the wild where he, and all monkeys like him belong? Shows like this are just one part of the greater problem with kids these days. I heard the other day of an entire group of young moms PEELING their kids' grapes. You peel a grape for a kid, then turn on some Caillou, and you are ruining an entire generation of people.
ReplyDeleteAnd this is why, hands down, you are my favorite blogger on the internets.
ReplyDeleteYes, and yes. Oh, and yes, sorry, yes. I hate any kid show when, basically, the kid is in charge calling the shots and the parents have to bow down and talk all syrupy to them. Kids should watch more Phineas and Ferb.
ReplyDeleteWhat about Courage the Cowardly Dog?
ReplyDeleteMy husband maintains that Gerald from Sid the Science Kid is a future date rapist. So we like to watch it for the subtext.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are cordially invited to play #DearManInTheYellowHat with us anytime. He's a monkey. Which means he flings poop, not fixes space stations.
This is why my 2-year old's favorite things to watch include The Nightmare Before Christmas, King Kong (1979 and 2005 versions), and Jurassic Park III. I'm pretty sure he would be into Clash of the Titans too-the old version. Maybe the new version if it doesn't have any sex scenes. I have to draw the line somewhere!
ReplyDeleteYou forgot Martha Speaks. But I love Super Why. Coolest kid show, and it doesn't hurt that it's on right when I want to be taking a shower. Come to think of it, that might be the main reason I like it.
ReplyDeleteOh my! I hate all those same shows! Sid the science kid is right at the top also. By the way I'm a blog stalker and if you're a hater than I'd like to join that club.
ReplyDeleteLet's see. . .my 5 year old's favorite show is Bindi the Jungle Girl and my 4 year old's favorite is Max & Ruby. And I'm really supposed to make it through the day in one piece?
ReplyDeleteI'm so with you on Dragon Tales. Ord makes me want to pull off my ears. But if you don't like Quetzal with his moles and saggy skin, I guess you won't like me much, either, in about 20 years. (Or now...my neck is beginning to soften up a little too much for comfort.)
ReplyDeleteBut I kind of like Caillou because he can be a whiner and his mom sometimes gets a little mad. Real life stuff at my house.
And Barney? I hate to admit that I have watched this much American Idol, but did you see the girl audition who used to be the frizzy haired tall girl on some of the earlier seasons? She auditioned in leather and with a whip. I knew too much Barney could warp a kid.
Just this morning I thought about buying the Phineas and Ferb soundtrack-- just for me.
ReplyDeleteDo you like how I am a regular commentor now, like we're best friends and you don't even know me?
Sid the Science kid is horrid. i would also add max and ruby. something about that show bugs too! and Barney. most definitely Barney. thank goodness for DVR so i can just record some that i can handle and they don't even realize there are others on!
ReplyDeleteCaillou drives me bonkers. He's the whiniest kid I've ever met, and why does he not have hair? Rosie has hair. His mom and dad have hair. I actually emailed PBS a long time ago to inquire about his baldness but, strangely enough, they failed to reply.
ReplyDeleteAre there any GOOD kids shows?
ReplyDeleteI HATE Sid the Science Kid. It's a Jim Henson show, but I'm pretty sure Jim Henson would hate it too. When it comes on, I switch it the last half of The Price is Right. We do like Clifford, but it's not a favorite. Caillou. Oh, Caillou. His parent's are waaaaay too patient. If my son wakes up in time to watch Caillou, I get excited because it's his favorite so he'll cuddle with me and watch it and then I fall back asleep for a half hour. We never watch Dragon Tails, it must not be on our PBS lineup. We LOVE Curious George though. I must say though, that my husband and I exchange looks whenever the man in the yellow hat leaves George alone. Be a good little monkey...in space. Yeah right!
ReplyDeleteHey! Just because someone has Alopecia (Caillou's lack of any hair) does not deem them retarded. You think his show is bad, have you ever read one of his books? There's a whole new list waiting for you to blog about.
ReplyDeleteCaillou needs a spanking, or if you're against violence, then he at least needs to get locked in the closet for a good hour.
ReplyDeleteAnd my kids run away and hide under their blankets every time Sid comes on.
My favorites are Arthur and Word Girl.
Good thing I had Arthur. Class act all the way, except for Francine.
ReplyDeleteYo Gabba Gabba has a character that, I swear, looks like a kinky condom.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I've heard...
Am I allowed to comment, even if I am a guy?
ReplyDelete"Guess what Caillou! You're retarded." LOL!
As a first grade teacher, I am subjected to all the crappy shows the district allows us to watch. Agree about Clifford, but Franklin is 10 times worse. Someone needs to shoot a harpoon through that turtle's heart!
Caillou is gay, he can't help himself.
ReplyDeleteNo one hates Mr. Rogers. He was amazing, as was Daniel the insecure cat.
ReplyDeleteI agree to all of your "hates".
ReplyDeleteI do have two that I actually watch with my kids:
1. Word Girl (Chris Parnell as narrator, keepin' it real. Also, the monkey acts like a monkey - even if he is also a sidekick)
3. The Electric Company - kind of like reminds me of the musical "Rent" in a G-rated and kid friendly way.
Look at that, PBS taught me to count! 1,3,4,5,6.....
ReplyDeleteI was having a conversation about kids TV shows recently with a co-worker/fellow parent, and several of these shows came up.
ReplyDeleteAt one point I recall saying, "Caillou is a whiny bitch." That seems a little harsh now, but the kid whines about everything.
Also, as a dog owner, I can't watch Clifford without thinking: "Um, what about the poo?"
The end.
I am with you on all of these - but you left off Wonder Pets. Have you NOT had the express pleasure of watching hours upon hours of the little CGI animated hamster, duck and turtle who happily sing about how they are going to save the baby animals? Once you've heard it, you CANNOT get it out of your head. Ugh!!
ReplyDeleteAnd..Yo Gabba Gabba - WHAT exactly is THAT red thing supposed to be?? AWFUL!!!
and now I'm laughing as I just read ALL of the comments and I completely agree about Caillou. WHY does he not have hair? He's 4 years old for goodness sake! And what is it about that show that the music comes on and my toddler is just GLUED to the television? Is there something subliminal going on??
ReplyDeleteMax and Ruby is definitely the worst show on tv. Where are the parents? Max never gets to have any fun, his sister is always "no Max, don't touch that," "don't eat that" blah blah blah. Let the kid play already!
ReplyDeleteAnd the Wonder Pets--they drive me crazy. If they would stop rescuing stupid animals that get in trouble, survival of the fittest would kick in.
But the one we hate most is Handy Manny. I would think twice about hiring a handy man who had creepy talking tools.