You know I check out CDs at the library every week because I'm radically old school, right? OK. So this week I got Sting's Sacred Love. It's the perfect CD to have not purchased when it came out and to check out from the library five years later. It's not great, but I can load it onto iTunes if I want. An interesting bit of trivia is that I unwittingly checked it out the same week I also checked out REM's Green. I knew Green contained a slam against Bush I, but I had no idea Sacred Hunger contained a slam against Bush II. Isn't that cute? I didn't even plan it. Singers don't like the Bushes. What did George Bush II ever do to Sting!
Whenever people who don't blog talk about blogs they are always like, "First, I don't have time to blog and second--blogs are boring because people just talk about what CDs they checked out at the library and then they go on about their boring dreams. Who cares!" To them I say, you make time for what's important.
So I had this dream wherein I was interviewing Sting. Unlike my friend, Jenna, I don't have sexual fantasies about Sting. (Should I not have said that on the internet? I don't know anymore.) I am proud to say that I am always faithful in my dreams. Good for me, no? Which is not to say that I haven't thought about marrying Sting. Suppose I somehow met Sting in college before I met Christian. And suppose he asked me to marry him. What would I do? I mean, he's only a few years younger than my mom. So that could be awkward. I don't think Sting would ever convert to Mormonism. Would I forsake my religion to marry Sting? I can't say. I mean, he's also rich. But I grew up in a part-active family and there are some drawbacks. Would I go to church by myself when we were on the road with his band? Would he support me in my commitment to the Word of Wisdom? That would suck to be the mother of Sting's children and have to rely on the home teachers to baptize them. Would he let me pay tithing on our increase? I know for a fact he wouldn't go for garments. I don't think it would work for me and Sting. Guys, it would be so hard to turn down Sting's proposal. But, in case you have ever wondered, that's how committed to the Gospel I am.
In this dream I am interviewing Sting. We are hitting it off. The only question I remember asking him is this, "Would you say your first failed marriage is a major component of your fierce commitment to Trudy now? And does the notion that Trudy is your 'soul mate' justify your initial infidelity [with her]?" It seems like a rude question, but he took it well and answered in the affirmative. I knew it!
I was a little offended because he rushed off after the interview without saying goodbye. But later I discovered he had left me a passage from Frances Hodgson Burnett's The Secret Garden. It was really literary and special, which is exactly how I would describe my relationship with Sting.
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You always make me laugh. Please tell me which song on Green is anti-Bush I. I didn't know.
ReplyDeleteYou are hilarious! I would have wished you the best of luck with Sting. Would you be Mrs. Sting? How does a one name marriage work? Maybe he would take your name. You could call your children "Stinglets" and dress them up like policemen for Halloween. Ooo you could also have him sing a private performance to you of "Roxanne." Nice. There would be a lot of perks. But I do think you have a good thing going with your current commitments. OK, I'll shut up.
ReplyDeleteI never got the whole Sting thing. Christian is a much better catch all around.
ReplyDeleteBesides, that whole tantric stuff is just a bit odd, don't ya think?
"Never Coming Home" and "Stolen Car (Take Me Dancing)" are awesome.
ReplyDeleteAnd, do you think that "Whenever I Say Your Name" is about you, Kacy? Or maybe it's religious? I just can't figure it out.
Yeah, I think Sting would have major issues if you had decided to get the "magic underwear".
ReplyDeleteI used to ride my bike to the song Fields of Gold. I don't know why, it's not a very motivating song. I guess I just liked it.
ReplyDeleteLibrary CD's? Lvoe how you are kick'n it old school on the cheap. I need to do that more often.
ReplyDeleteThis post made me laugh becuase Sting is my husband's man crush, in the way that he thinks he is an attractive human being who happens to be a man.
That picture on your sidebar of Ben eating a big meatball kind of makes me crazy! You say it's a meatball, but to me it really looks like he is eating a chocolate ice cream cone instead. Even though I know it's a meatball, every time I see it there is this split-second when I think "ice cream". Sometimes I try to avoid the issue by not looking to the right and just focusing on your post, but I'm starting to accept the fact that I may never be wholly committed to meatball. A part of me will always say ice cream.
ReplyDeleteEXCUUUUUSE ME, but Sting is MINE!! If you haven't read about my hangin with Sting dream---then just get outta town!
ReplyDeleteHe was mine before you were ever born---so back down, girly girl...
Leave him to the old gals... :)
bwa ha ha!!!! You can have the special and literary relationship and I'll take the sexual. Did I just say that? On the internet? You knew I was sick already.
ReplyDeleteIf you were married to Sting, you would get to go to the Conference Center to watch him sing with the MoTab, and he would sing with them often because it would please you, and those experiences would lead him to the Gospel. You know, on his own. I mean, not that I've thought about it or anything.
ReplyDeleteOh, how you make me giggle (guffaw, actually). I've been lurking for a while and just had to let you know how in awe I am of your commitment to the Gospel in your hypothetically turning down a proposal from Sting. And how I, too, check out CDs from the library (I also have a 6-month-old iTunes gift card that I *could* use on music I'm checking out, but I just can't commit!). Happy Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteI have often wondered the same thing about Sting and his first marriage and his commitment to Trudie.
ReplyDeleteIn an interview once he blamed his infidelity on witnessing his own mother's affair when he was a child. Always blaming someone else...