We saw Miley Cyrus at the Stadium of Fire this summer. She was saying some patriotic stuff, and some stuff about families, and some stuff about soldiers--typical talking points for a 16-year-old in Provo on the fourth of July. I'm sure she felt like she was getting a little war-y (you can't really talk about it without invoking just a little bit of its awfulness, especially as you look out at a football field of soldier's families) so she ended with, "God has a plan so I'm stoked" and started to sing.
I'm stoked about God's plan too. Seriously guys, I'm really stoked. Saturday morning our hamster died. I know I don't have a claim to your sympathy, but it was really sad for about 15 minutes when my son had tears in his eyes and explained that it was his fault for not giving Hampy water every day. Little did he know I had been willing the hamster's death for months! The funeral was a somber affair. But Sam eventually cheered up when he realized the death of Hampy brought the end of his Saturday chore of cleaning out his cage. Score! He's really stoked about God's plan now, too.
Now that Hampy is gone I remember him fondly. Like when Ben first brought him home proclaiming, "His name is Doon Dong, but you can call him Mark." Obviously he ended up with an even more creative name. (Hampy, that's right. For a hamster. Clever, eh?) I remember how smart he seemed when he immediately learned to escape from his cage. Soon this would grow tiring. I remember how fun it was to give him treats like celery in addition to his hamster pellets. Soon this would grow tiring. [As would feeding him.] I remember him cowering by the side of my bed after being missing for days. Who knew he could climb down stairs! Cowering in the sewing room after being missing for days. Who knew he could survive the fall from the counter onto a tile floor! Cowering in Maggie's bathroom after being missing for weeks. Who knew he could survive without food for weeks? His balding body, shifty eyes, broken back leg. What a charmer! He was definitely a special little guy. And by special I mean smelly.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Oh, did this post hit home! After five years of rodents randomly escaping, stinking up my house and keeping us all up at night with the squeeling of their wheel, I've laid down the law. NO MORE HAMSTERS. You're clearly smarter than me, you learned after just one!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is begging for a Guinea Pig for her birthday in two weeks. Are they as hateful as hampsters? They had a guinea pig in their 5th grade class. All the glory, with none of the pain (the teacher had to do all the nasty stuff like clean its cage). I wish teachers would always have pets so we wouldn't have to have them at home.
ReplyDeleteYour hamster stories have validated every one of my mother's refusals to buy us hamsters/gerbils/rodents of any kind. Actually - I've understood this for years now. But when I was eight her arguments (in a nutshell, "no") seemed pretty weak...
ReplyDeleteso long smelly hampy. maybe he would have taken a bit more pride in himself if you'd kept with the name doon dong. seems like an inspirational name to me!
ReplyDeleteI think this post is great timing, coming right after the post "Wishful Thinking... Ever have a wish come true?" On a related note, my son's class has two mice as class pets. He DID NOT sign up to bring them home for a weekend because he loves me (for real, and now I know it). I am so happy about the nice young man he is becoming.
ReplyDeleteWe will never have anything like that because I can't get over their GINORMOUS nuts. Ew. Who needs nuts that big? Not me, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteJennie W. is the only one of your readers with a glam photo. What does that mean about the rest of us?
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for the follow up post where you talk about God's real plan.
I am so happy for y'all and Hampy. We should have a real Irish wake to celebrate his long anticipated demise.
We had a hampster once. I remember fondly the night I spent disassembling our furnace because he had somehow crawled through the duct work and gotten stuck inside the fan housing (still alive). Alas, some weeks later he too went the way that many hampster do...sufficating himself trying to gnaw a whole in his cage. We burried him in the back yard in a paper bag. A few days later, no lie, I found the bag on the ground with a whole chewed through it. We moved shortly thereafter.
ReplyDeleteAs you know, I am not a pet lover. So stories like these just add to my STRICT no rodents policy in my house.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to hear that Miley thinks God has a plan. I wonder what she thinks His plan is.
Every picture I'm in is glam. It's something that can't be helped. Just think of it as my little cross to bear.
ReplyDeleteP.S. What you don't see in my photo is my humongous 8 3/4 months pregnant stomach. I cropped it so as not to frighten anyone.
Mark, I think Jennie W. would need to have a feather boa or similar prop in her photo for it to be truly glam. As it is, I think it's just lovely. And anyway, what are you hiding by not showing us a photo? Oh wait -- I see you naked at the gym on a regular basis so I know *exactly* what you (we) are hiding.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a kid we had two hamsters a brown and white one, cinnamon and sugar. Creative, yes. Anyway sugar got out of the cage and was missing for days, we thought he was dead then he suddenly appeared crawling out of the damp dark basement. We put him back in his cage with cinnamon. Cinnamon took mercy on his poor body and killed him, I think he ate him. Are hamsters cannibals?
ReplyDeleteOh, that was too funny!
ReplyDeleteOur hamsters also exhibited cannibalistic tendencies when I was little. I caved into the pressure to let my family get a dog (which of course I take care of), but I guess maybe my kids do love me as they've never asked for rodents. Unless ferrets count, but that was an easy NO.
ReplyDeleteI think you deserve to go out and celebrate!!
ReplyDeleteI was at Stadium of Fire, too. I was laughing inwardly at what Miley was saying (over and over)but I kept reminding myself, she's just a teenager, she's just a teenager...
what did you think of her headbanging?? She was definitely gettin down with her beats, that's for sure
p.s. look closely, my pic has myself & Donny Osmond in it!!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on entering rodent-free life! When I was young we had gerbils-- Bonnie and Clyde. One day Bonnie ATE Clyde, so I guess gerbils do have cannibalistic tendencies.
ReplyDeleteThis is why we have a strict no pet policy at our house. No pets, no critters, no animals of any kind, other than stuffed. I would consider a robot pet, if I wasn't afraid it would become self-aware and eventually doom mankind.
ReplyDeleteDid she honestly say that? I would have gagged. Did Adam Ant every say anything that dumb? Certainly not. But, I think I remember that he said he hated pre-teen girls and crushed our souls.
ReplyDeleteMy condolences on the loss of Hampy. I wish our betta fish would kick the bucket.
Wait! Ms. Cyrus said that and no elders descended on her? In Provo?
ReplyDeleteSo, how exactly did Hampy kick it?
Could you explain to your stud-muffin of a hubby that some of your readers would rather not know what he is or isn't hiding at the gym? I mean, he is nearly 40...
Oh my gosh, that was funny. And by funny I mean I think I can smell him from here.
ReplyDeleteI hope you've learned your lesson about small, caged pets. Maybe not, but I can't gloat because I'm about to break one of the cardinal rules of mothering and purchase an easy-bake oven for Christmas. We're all suckers, aren't we?
ReplyDeleteI'm sad for Sam's sake, but happy for yours. And now I feel really very validated about my "no pet" policy as a mother, so there's that.
Actually we had guinea pigs that were litter boxed trained---so it wasn't so bad.
ReplyDeleteBut its kind of creepy when they scream...
Guinea pigs scream?!
ReplyDeleteAnother reason NOT TO HAVE PETS. (Seriously, screaming guinea pigs? Where does it stop?!)
ReplyDeleteI had a college roommate who played "Stairway to Heaven" for three days straight when her hamster died. I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't so stoked about that.
ReplyDeleteOmigosh, Kacy, I just stumbled on to your blog haphazardly and you cracked me up! Your writing style and humor is HI-LARIOUS ... thanks for making my night! I need to find some mom friends just like you! Three cheers for keepin' it real. :-)
ReplyDeletei've been blog stalking you (sorry, it's my style) and just wanted to come out of the closet (no, not that way!) to say how sorry, i mean happy, i am for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI clicked over from Mormon Mommy Blogs. This is so funny! My son (now 16) had a hampster when he was little and it was a test to my good mommyness not to get rid of it for my son's sake. Then the little guy died and I was sad for days. I felt so guilty because it died in my care while my son was on a trip with Dad. I swear I didn't murder it. It really was just old.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled across your blog via Mormon Mommy Blogs. I've visited a few times, and just now decided after this hilarious post that it was time to announce myself and say Hello! Thanks for making me laugh!
ReplyDeleteIf its okay with you, I plan on visiting your blog again!
Through various devious blog-stalking means, I have come upon your site and am in love! Keep up the good work--I'll be watching you. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, and I also wanted to say that we had guinea pigs at one point--one red, one black. We named them after my newly married uncle and his wife: Cheryl (red hair) and Mark (black hair.) Yes, yes, very clever. That's all I remember about them though--that, and the SMELL.
ReplyDeleteThe letter to your hampster is one of the funniest posts in all of mommy blogland!
ReplyDeleteSo funny! Seriously, how long have you been waiting to use that Miley Cyrus quote?
ReplyDeleteI think that this would be the perfect time for a friend or kind neighbor to introduce a new pet into your life -- how about a snake?