Don't Buy It

Last year was all about shopping. Now the economy is bad and it's no fun to shop anymore. I hate that, because in general I like to buy stuff. I am highly susceptible to advertising and suggestions on blogs. 2007 was all about buying everything every blog and magazine told me to. Three-dollar-gas has taken the wind out of my sails. A few years ago I read Judith Levine's book, Not Buying It. It's not a very good book, by the way. Just another spoiled richie congratulating herself for not replacing her SmartWool socks. I liked the idea of the book though and it sounded compelling when I heard about it on NPR (what doesn't!) Judith Levine decides to not buy stuff (except for necessities, like wine) for a year so she can write a book about it. You can check it out at the library to see if you like it. I am confident she will bug you though. Whatever you do, don't buy the book.

At any rate, there are enough blogs out there telling you what to buy. I'm here to tell you what not to buy. You can stop reading now if you want. I know it's a lot more fun to hang out with the friend who says, "YOU SHOULD TOTALLY GET THAT!" instead of the stick in the mud who says, "MOSES BASKET? ARE YOU CRAZY! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT BABIES CAN SLEEP IN A LAUNDRY BASKET FOR THE FIRST 6 MONTHS?"

Don't buy an old red phone, even if Domino magazine talks you into it.
You will be tempted because it reminds you of the phone you had growing up but when you try to hang it up you will slice through the wiring in the back and it will never work again. There is a certain charm to "wireless."

Don't buy one of these either:
I know what you are thinking. Listen to me--it will not change your life. Please believe me when I tell you that it's only going to make things worse to see it hanging there ignored and empty or overflowing and bowed under the weight of a rock collection. I succumbed to Lillian Vernon's enticements myself--I have bought this three times. Learn from my mistakes.

Don't buy chalk dots even though you think they will make your kids play quietly yet creatively in their rooms at night:They do peel off and kids don't enjoy them. Sorry dude.

Don't buy this book, even if you want to know what Jerry Seinfeld eats:
Long story short, put veggie purees in everything. But you don't have to take my word for it.

Whatever you do, do NOT buy Electrasol powerballs. They are the worst! They don't work at all:The one thing you should buy is Cascade Complete. But do not buy a baby sling and do not make your own organic cleaner from vinegar and baking soda, even if a Green Blog tells you to. Hello? Have you smelled vinegar! If I spill vinegar on the counter I clean it up with something, I don't rub it around on more things. It's the mess. I made some of this home-made cleaner last night and it doesn't work at all. So I guess I would say that you should buy 409.

Since I've been in a frugal mood I checked out The Complete Tightwad's Gazette by Amy Dacyczyn from the library. You would not believe how cheap this woman is! It sort of made me sick. She suggested rinsing out an old jam jar with milk and making a Popsicle out of the jam-dregs-flavored milk. That made me want to buy something, and fast. But still, she has some good ideas and I can relate to her a lot more than Judithe Levine, even if she does eat garbage.