I Love Old Interfering Ladies at Walmart She Said Sarcastically

Ben tells lots of jokes about poo, mostly, and also repeats things like, "What's a coat?" "Where is my bedroom?" or simply "What? What? What?" Isn't he hilarious? I know, right? In fact I just heard myself say "Oh yes. Poo poo. Funny funny," just to acknowledge his joke and get him to stop. I believe the context was, "I'll have cinnamon toast crunch poo for breakfast."

The point is that he talks all the time [except at school or church or in response to friends or relatives or strangers]. Sometimes making jokes, sometimes describing things such as "that mountain they made into bishops' faces" (Me: "Mount Rushmore?" Ben: "Yes, Mount Rushmore. I saw some people working on that once." Me to myself: "Whatever.") Sometimes I listen and sometimes I don't. Yesterday we were at Walmart. You know how when you have a baby in a car seat in the front of the cart you can't really see directly in front of the cart because the seat is in the way? Well I was in that situation and I ran over Ben. Like you wouldn't have done the same thing!

He had been inside the cart. Then I was looking on some shelves for stuff and when I turned and started pushing the cart he was right in front of it and I ran over his foot. (Just his foot. Not his whole self--although you wouldn't know it the way he screamed at me.) Apparently he had mentioned getting out of the cart but I didn't hear him or wasn't listening. So I am consoling him and he is yelling at me and screams, "You always ignore me." Of course this makes me feel bad because I do ignore him. Not in a bad mother kind of way but in a real mother kind of way. Still, I get the accusation and I feel bad.

Then this lady rounds the corner saying, "What child said that? Did that tiny thing say that? It's just so profound coming out of such a little child." I can only describe her as the kind of grandma I don't want in my life. I nodded and told her he was 5 (rounding up, to undermine the profoundity of the wee one's accusation.) She continued: "So cute." I turned back to the shelves for more stuff and said, "Yeah, it's real cute," while I contemplated the image of my dejected little boy ignored by his mother and contrasted it with the Ben who had, moments ago, berated me for being lazy and selfish and who had (inexplicably) blurted out, "TVs are not important!" as a kind of argument for why I should buy him some candy and a $40 Lego Batman set. And then I thought about wiping his bum that morning. And then I looked forward to the day when I would be a wise old lady at Walmart and could point out the nuggets of wisdom in the fits I see thrown. I think it will be so rewarding.

Here is that lady's point: You see, what makes it profound is that it's true--a little bit of wisdom from a 5 year old. "Mommy, mommy you always ignore me." And then I have an epiphany about how I neglect and abuse my sweet, innocent baby and then the Mormonad ends. That's her point. If you think what Ben is saying is profound it's pretty clear that you don't think he's overreacting. You can't think both! Here are some other things I can imagine that lady saying to me:

Isn't it interesting how perceptive the wee ones can be?

I love how children only crave healthy food until their parents taint them with junk food.

Sometimes when a tiny child calls you "pregnant," it's his way of saying you are fat. And you are.

Maybe if you never went shopping at Walmart in the first place and stayed home and made presents you wouldn't have run over your son's foot. Maybe?

You seem in such a rush, dear, do you work outside of the home?

The wee one looks thin, how much time have you spent blogging lately?